To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
