talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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