I wish i was in the wii world.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
bring money and cleavage
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
