My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
