I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
