your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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