this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
