I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
