Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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