hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
