Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
