My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
