And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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