it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
