4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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