i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
