hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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