thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
