Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
