They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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