I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your tits are I can't wait for
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
