I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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