Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
