I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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