every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
