it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
