two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
