I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
