it hurts more in the daytime
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
