Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
