I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
