If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
