Can i not drive my cunt home
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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