Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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