don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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