Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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