when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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