just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
