half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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