the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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