there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
