Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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