At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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