your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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