Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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