party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
