I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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