I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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