The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
