apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
