So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
