my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
