yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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