watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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